A memoir.....

Okay kids, it struck me today that I should write a memoir - a la James Frey style..
You know the type that is based on a little truth and a whole lot a "creativity"

I'm thinkin that instead of it taking place in a rehab centre it could take place in an institution for the criminally insane - well, I work at a crisis centre - close enuf...eh?

The main character (me) instead of being an addict, I would be mentally unstable, not due to drugs and alcohol but because of torment suffered at the hands of a bastard of a husband... (hmmm... maybe too close to home)

And instead of it being called "A million little pieces" it'll be called "Four big chunks" cause that's how they find his body after I'm "finished" with it....

Wow the creative juices are a flowin' now...

And at the end instead of me losing the love of my life that I met at the "Happy Hills Resort", My love is a 25 year old strong, intelligent, gorgeous med intern (think Brad Pitt) who cures me from the psychosis I have been under during my ordeal and whisks me away to his home in the Mediterranean and we all live happily ever after....

Bestseller... Hell, Pulitzer...think movie deal... God I could be on Oprah!

Man I'm tired tonight...

Took ten years off my life.....

I love the boy, really, really, love the boy BUT today I could have knocked him into next week - he is lucky that I didn't beat him -

You see we have this delightful little rubber rat that is awesome in scaring the begeebers out of Grandma but today the trick was on moi

This is what I dealt with this morning - without having my morning coffee no less...



Little bastard..... that's all for now kids....I am still shaking (but smiling now)

A good mommy moment......

So I decided that I really gotta step up to the good mommy plate and bring on a homerun for the boy.... ooooh likin the baseball analogy... so I took Wednesday off work - yes the crisis centre will survive sans moi for one day (I thought), and spent a "special day" with the boy...

I try to schedule at least one or two "special days" with just me and boy per month but have been lacking in the follow through recently due to the husband's absence...
I have been working fulltime, parenting fulltime, and doing the house crap fulltime, so the special days have fallen to the wayside in the last month or so....

Wednesday I tried to redeem myself so I let the boy pick out anything he wanted to do for our special day and he chose the most hellish place on earth to spend our special day.... the b.e.a.c.h. - ughh

Now I know for most the beach is a wonderful place of relaxation but to the big girl here it means being hot, wet, and sandy - 3 things that I believe were methods of torture in medieval times.... not to mention being in a very public place in the world's most unattractive swimsuit - yes kids, long gone are the bikini's of my youth and hello frumpy black tent/bathing suit...

The things you do for your kids eh....

So putting on my best "I'm having a great time" face I swam in the disgusting lake water, built the most treasured sandcastles, chased seagulls, and burnt to a crisp for the love of my boy....



So I'm sitting there about 2 hours into the "best day evah"(according to the boy) and I find water dripping down my cheeks - no its not sweat, it's... tears.. not tears of sadness, tears of frustration or tears of anger, but tears I think of...joy
Man when was the last time those suckers touched my face... tears of pure joy...
Watching the boy lovin every moment of this time at this god forsaken place I was touched (ya I know I'm "touched")
Touched in the simple beauty of the boy on a beach, touched by the squeals of delight from the waves on his legs, touched by the pure moment of joy we both have shared today at this most unbelievable place called the beach....
(Holy Christ someone call Hallmark - I'm having a moment)

Look at this picture though and tell me that you can't feel some joy.... I dare ya..

It's all good...

Today I was pleasantly surprised - yes kids something not soo sucky happened to me today..
I went to the grocery store today on my lunch to get the usual greek salad and came across and a delightful little sumthin... these..

Now I realize that most probably are wondering what the hell they are as they do appear to be lumps of shit on a plate in this photo but rest assurred they are not..
In fact they were the best thing that happened to me today - so let us rejoice in the wonderfulness (I know not a real word) of the cheddar cheese pretzel - Hurrah!

See, the world can be on your side sometimes - a small artifically flavoured, sodium filled, turd looking morsel can be just the thing to help you appreciate the smaller pleasures in life.....

Well until your ass of a husband returns home to squash any tidbit of happiness you so desperately cling to while the world is spinning out of control around you and you have no way out cause you are broke, broke, broke, thanks to the shopping addiction you indulged in for the last year looking for a "happy fix" and that fact the the boy you desperately love and want to be happy more than life likes the dumb bastard and would be devasted if was not able to play video games with him all fuckin weekend long because you decided to actually leave and try to bring back some shred of a life you once had when you were skinny and smart and full of life...whew.... sorry....lets take a moment...breathe... in and out, in and out...gonna go now.... and have a few pretzels....(this last paragraph must be read very fast in order to get the full effect of my minor meltdown)

Guess what we caught.....

Say hullo to my new little friend...

Ain't he sweet...I think we will name him kitty, just for fun...

The boy and I caught him this morning
Well, I guess I should say the boy caught him this morning...
I just more or less was yelling... "careful... don't drop him... don't squish him... careful... for the love of god boy, be gentle...aggh watch out for his leg... go wash your hands, go wash your hands, go wash your hands"...

A boy and a frog how much more Norman Rockwell can my life get...

And no I didn't try kissing it...well not yet...

No title

Stupid fuckin' lottery.....

Cross your fingers.....

Must. Win. Lottery.
Yep I must win tonight's Super 7 draw
No if, ands, or buts about it
I just must win - no other options people...

Waiting... waiting.... and waiting in antipication of the magic numbers to appear
When will they call these numbers of mine......



So while I await my fortune let me show you what I am enjoying right now...



Hail Caesar, a True Canadian Icon! (from tidings magazine - probably should footnote this or whatever)

The Caesar, a quintessential Canadian invention has been one of this country’s most favored savory cocktails for over 35 years. Spiced up, or spiced down, each year, over 300 million Caesars are served to Canadians across the country (almost ten times the nation’s entire population) reflecting the fact that the savory Caesar is a cherished part of Canadian life.

The tale of the Caesar began in 1969 when inventor, bar manager and mixologist extraordinaire Walter Chell was challenged to concoct his own unique cocktail creation to mark the opening of a Calgary restaurant. Since then, the infamous blend of vodka and Mott’s Clamato tomato-clam cocktail (a combination of tomato juice, mashed clams and a top secret blend of spices) has become a true Canadian icon.

Mmmmm... me like.... NOW BRING ON THE DAMN NUMBERS....

Forgotten.....

Ever lose a year of your life???

Well I have - the year was 1988, actually September 1987 - September 1988
This was the year I spread my wings (and unfortunately legs - oh wait, sorry, that was probably not necessary to share) and left the family home...

Moved over 200 km away from the folks and thought I could manage life on my own..
Now mind you I was 17 and invincible... at least I thought I was... and did alot of things that are better left forgotten...

Now almost 20 years later, looking back, I have very little recollection of this time, why you ask... one word - Excess

You name it, I pretty much did it - if I liked it - I did it more, and more, and more...

Why this trip down memory lane now?? Well I have been cleaning up some crap (see previous post) and came upon a small black journal that I inconsistently kept during that time...




Reading through the mainly incoherent ramblings of a idiot I realize that I never want to be there again and that I must destroy this book!
What if I'm hit by a bus tomorrow and the boy grows up and reads this shit....
God, I'm sure I've given him enough "material" to keep him in therapy until he is 80 already let alone him reading about my adventures during the lost year...

What boy needs to read about his mother's talent tying cherry stems in knots with her tongue, illegal activities involving tinfoil and clubhouse sandwiches, cleaning squirrel shit from some guys apartment floor for a couple of fatties, getting felt up by a roadie from the band Nazareth (anybody remember Nazareth,"Love Hurts") and the night I almost died...

I did get a good chuckle reading excerpts about this guy "Gary" that I lived with during that time...(platonic relationships strictly - he had a freakishly large head)
Gary hitchhiked across the country to get some magic mushrooms in B.C. and came back with the snazziest moccasins, two black eyes, and a new appreciation for the way the world worked... Ha, wonder what ever happened to Gary...

So now I am feel somewhat nauseous with the trip down a very foggy memory lane but very appreciative of how sucky my life is now...

Kumbaya kids...

Don't look

This room is a fu**kin pig mess, jesus
I can't believe I'm actually posting this but... this is out of control

The rest of the house thankfully is in order but this room is going to be the death of me...
This is our computer/craft/scrap/junk room and boy is it in need of a "clean sweep"
(Like many other parts of my life... - nother story)
So if the father in law is going to come and finally paint the damn room then I must get off my ass and get this shit in order...

K - so off the puter dumbass and get to it....

The Guilt

Agghh - what happened?? It's July...
Oh the guilt I feel - bad bad bad blogger - just when I get the groove of this going I end up disappearing for what..almost 3 months..Bad bad bad blogger...

Well shall we recap the exciting happenings of my absence??
Okay here goes.... well...umm..aaah...(crickets chirping)..unfortunately nothing of interest to report - no, I did not commit any heinous crimes, no jail time, no exotic vacations, no partying, nope nothing - just boring old day in and day out crap

The husband has been away more than here though thanks to his self declared importance for the company he works for - has been travelling every couple weeks to a different province and staying for a couple of weeks at a time - woo hoo - that has been very refreshing - he actually left again tonight for two weeks - now if we can only figure out a way for him to stay there......

I suppose the biggest happening here has been the boy's birthday last week - little bugger is now 7 years old - can't believe how fast it is all going by - I tried to convince him to let me pretend that it was only his 4 birthday - even bribed him with extra birthday presents, but he wouldn't go for it (I still pretend though when I go to that happy place in my head)

Work has been busier than a bitch, who knew the heat effects moods - ha

That's pretty much it - gonna try real hard now not to let this slide again

Perhaps a photo will help....