Guess what I did this week.....Nope keep guessing... well aside from eating my weight in "fun size" chocolate bars and mini bags of chips - love Halloween - I....well I should say We...as in me and the husband.....updated our Wills and finalized Power Of Attorneys for each other - romantic aren't we.....
Well, you see I kinda lost my mind on Wednesday when I found out the husband was not following his new "healthy" lifestyle...I decided that I will never ever be put in the situation of not having me and the boy "taken care of" in the event of my husband's demise - yes I was not completely prepared when he "died" this summer and since he does not seem to take what has happened to him seriously (you know the dead part, brain injury or not) then I can only control what I can and I'll be damned if I will be left high and dry when he "drops" next time - and when that time comes you can be assured that he will not be so lucky again as to be given a second chance...
Wow.... I know that sounded harsh but realistically I am one frustrated, scared, TIRED, and overwhelmed woman who is not ready to be a widow......
Hope you all had a good week and are feeling the bulge of Halloween
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Hey there
Well I'll be damned....
Just for shits and giggles I thought I would check into the old blog world and low and behold....people have still been checking in here...wow
Thanks for all the kind comments and caring emails I have received in the last few months...they were a super surprise and much appreciated
Things are still really shitty around here but one must focus on the positives right....right?....right...
The husband will be discharged from the hospital to our home on Thursday and then the real fun will begin I guess....
He has made incredible gains in the last few weeks and things are much more optimistic but he will still have a long road ahead of him...having an anoxic brain injury and surviving a cardiac arrest are a tough combo in the rehab world....
Thanks again for all the well wishes....take care of yourselves....
I'll leave you all with this recent pic of the boy from our trip to a country corn maze.... We took the husband for an afternoon LOA from the hospital to enjoy some of the most beautiful fall weather...I'd like to title this photo.... "Children of the corn"......
Just for shits and giggles I thought I would check into the old blog world and low and behold....people have still been checking in here...wow
Thanks for all the kind comments and caring emails I have received in the last few months...they were a super surprise and much appreciated
Things are still really shitty around here but one must focus on the positives right....right?....right...
The husband will be discharged from the hospital to our home on Thursday and then the real fun will begin I guess....
He has made incredible gains in the last few weeks and things are much more optimistic but he will still have a long road ahead of him...having an anoxic brain injury and surviving a cardiac arrest are a tough combo in the rehab world....
Thanks again for all the well wishes....take care of yourselves....
I'll leave you all with this recent pic of the boy from our trip to a country corn maze.... We took the husband for an afternoon LOA from the hospital to enjoy some of the most beautiful fall weather...I'd like to title this photo.... "Children of the corn"......
Monday, September 18, 2006
In a moment......
In a moment your life can forever change....
On August 23, while playing baseball, my husband suffered a massive heart attack which resulted in an anoxic brain injury....
In a moment everything changed....
Things are very surreal and very complicated right now and I really don't think that this blog is the appropriate vehicle for my rants and babbling...
For those who have sent me emails wondering where the hell I've been - this is why I've been away... and probably will remain gone for now.... I got nothing to amuse anyone with right now....
Take care and take care of those you love because in a moment all that you know and think you know can easily be gone...
On August 23, while playing baseball, my husband suffered a massive heart attack which resulted in an anoxic brain injury....
In a moment everything changed....
Things are very surreal and very complicated right now and I really don't think that this blog is the appropriate vehicle for my rants and babbling...
For those who have sent me emails wondering where the hell I've been - this is why I've been away... and probably will remain gone for now.... I got nothing to amuse anyone with right now....
Take care and take care of those you love because in a moment all that you know and think you know can easily be gone...
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Is this week over yet??
My apology for my last post on Tuesday....sometimes that place just really kicks me in the ass...
Had a much better day today with the clients....not so much of a great day with a friend...don't much want to elaborate on that one just yet though ...other than anyone have a good ending story about bone cancer...anybody??
But ANYHOW....let's just put all of that crap of our heads right now and enjoy a few giggles - everyone needs a giggle now and then...(a boat load would work wonders right now)
Let's be lovin' on the hottest and funniest man alive right now - kisses to Dane...
This has always been my all time fav little ditty by the much cleaner but funny as hell Jim.....
Whew...feeling better now...
Had a much better day today with the clients....not so much of a great day with a friend...don't much want to elaborate on that one just yet though ...other than anyone have a good ending story about bone cancer...anybody??
But ANYHOW....let's just put all of that crap of our heads right now and enjoy a few giggles - everyone needs a giggle now and then...(a boat load would work wonders right now)
Let's be lovin' on the hottest and funniest man alive right now - kisses to Dane...
This has always been my all time fav little ditty by the much cleaner but funny as hell Jim.....
Whew...feeling better now...
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
This posts for you.......
To everyone but the ass who drove me crazy today at work just ignore this post - just needing to let some shit fly here right now...
To the son of a bitch client who just doesn't get it.......
Newsflash jerkoff - the world does not revolve around you and your needs.....
We may be a crisis centre but believe it or not you are not the only person in this whole frickin' world that may need us right now...
You see you live in a community of over 320 000 people and we service not only these 300 000 or so we also have to accommodate the needs of people in our rural areas as well...soooooo....that's alot of people.....
We have the capacity to only house a very few children in the program nightly and believe it or not (look at above number) you are not the only person that feels that they need to have their kids stay with us....
Perhaps the mother who is undergoing chemo treatments, or the family currently living at the shelter, or maybe, just maybe, the kid who was feeding his dead mother hot dogs in hopes that she will "wake up" really need to use our service too....
I fully believe that you feel that you need your kids to come and stay with us for a while cause, as you put it, parenting is hard and you need a break from the responsibility of parenting...but seriously buddy, I CAN'T HELP YOU RIGHT NOW....get it...that won't change no matter what names you call me, how loud you yell, or how many threats you utter about contacting my supervisor - actually go ahead he has a lot less patience for idiots like you....
Maybe if you thought about what happens when you stick that little joyhandle of yours in every chick that looks your way you wouldn't have to be sooooooo stressed out with kids.....
Stop yelling at me and getting on my ass cause I can't help you find some peace today man
That's it, that's all, return now to your regular bloggin fun kids....
To the son of a bitch client who just doesn't get it.......
Newsflash jerkoff - the world does not revolve around you and your needs.....
We may be a crisis centre but believe it or not you are not the only person in this whole frickin' world that may need us right now...
You see you live in a community of over 320 000 people and we service not only these 300 000 or so we also have to accommodate the needs of people in our rural areas as well...soooooo....that's alot of people.....
We have the capacity to only house a very few children in the program nightly and believe it or not (look at above number) you are not the only person that feels that they need to have their kids stay with us....
Perhaps the mother who is undergoing chemo treatments, or the family currently living at the shelter, or maybe, just maybe, the kid who was feeding his dead mother hot dogs in hopes that she will "wake up" really need to use our service too....
I fully believe that you feel that you need your kids to come and stay with us for a while cause, as you put it, parenting is hard and you need a break from the responsibility of parenting...but seriously buddy, I CAN'T HELP YOU RIGHT NOW....get it...that won't change no matter what names you call me, how loud you yell, or how many threats you utter about contacting my supervisor - actually go ahead he has a lot less patience for idiots like you....
Maybe if you thought about what happens when you stick that little joyhandle of yours in every chick that looks your way you wouldn't have to be sooooooo stressed out with kids.....
Stop yelling at me and getting on my ass cause I can't help you find some peace today man
That's it, that's all, return now to your regular bloggin fun kids....
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Thanks Freak....
Where the hell have I been...or better yet - where the hell has he been...
Seriously - I'm speechless
At first I was in shock and laughing my ass off
Now the shock has worn off and I'm just really, really, really saddened (and a little bit scared)
I apologize to those who have witnessed this before but Christ, I can't look away..
Seriously - I'm speechless
At first I was in shock and laughing my ass off
Now the shock has worn off and I'm just really, really, really saddened (and a little bit scared)
I apologize to those who have witnessed this before but Christ, I can't look away..
I survived.....
Well kids, I survived the hillbilly weekend - with most of my braincells intact...I think...
I prepared myself for the conversations about trucks, crops, and the "who is doing who" talks, the tractor rides, the beer bottle cap races, and the ever so unforgettable sing song around the bonfire...
I even practiced speaking in one word syllables on the ride down but what I did not prepare myself for and remember to expect was.....the mayonnaise...
Why oh why does every food group at these shing - dings have to contain about 10 pounds of that digusting white goo...
We had every type of potato/macaroni/pasta salad known to man dripping in the fat laden "miracle whip" of your choice - I even counted 75 devilled eggs on the table
And if you just didn't get enough of the stuff in every sidedish there was tubs of the mayo stuff available to slop on your burger/hot dog/sausage - And most did!!
My pretty little greek salad looked so lost and out of place sitting there on the buffet (made from old barn doors) - just like me....
You know no matter how much I hate my life sometimes here - all it takes is that 5 hour ride back home to put what I have and where I come from all into perspective...
That and the fact that I can't stop shittin' mayo.....
I prepared myself for the conversations about trucks, crops, and the "who is doing who" talks, the tractor rides, the beer bottle cap races, and the ever so unforgettable sing song around the bonfire...
I even practiced speaking in one word syllables on the ride down but what I did not prepare myself for and remember to expect was.....the mayonnaise...
Why oh why does every food group at these shing - dings have to contain about 10 pounds of that digusting white goo...
We had every type of potato/macaroni/pasta salad known to man dripping in the fat laden "miracle whip" of your choice - I even counted 75 devilled eggs on the table
And if you just didn't get enough of the stuff in every sidedish there was tubs of the mayo stuff available to slop on your burger/hot dog/sausage - And most did!!
My pretty little greek salad looked so lost and out of place sitting there on the buffet (made from old barn doors) - just like me....
You know no matter how much I hate my life sometimes here - all it takes is that 5 hour ride back home to put what I have and where I come from all into perspective...
That and the fact that I can't stop shittin' mayo.....
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Oh My Sir Bob.....
I love this man....really really love everything about this man...
You see back in the late 80's or so when I thought I wanted to change the world I read this....
I knew of Bob before cause I loved Pink Floyd and thought "The Wall" was cinematic genius (remember I was in my teens) so I was quite smitten before the whole live aid thing but then I read his book.....
Totally 100% fell for Sir Bob, lived and breathed his existance for awhile - no one else understood my attraction and thought I was a bit cuckoo for awhile - sure everyone admire what he was doing and thought the live aid thing was great but he was so much more for me...can't really explain it...anyhow...time marches on and well, to be honest, I forgot about Sir Bob...until yesterday..
There was an interview with him on this canadian show and well imagine my surprise..
This is what I saw..
Boy time has aged the old boy and my first reaction was oh my bob...
But then he opened his mouth and began to speak and sucked me right back in...god, I love this man.....let us remember him like this though...
Oh ya..if you want to comment and let me know what a bastard he is in real life - go ahead...for some reason I seem to be attracted to bastards.....
You see back in the late 80's or so when I thought I wanted to change the world I read this....
I knew of Bob before cause I loved Pink Floyd and thought "The Wall" was cinematic genius (remember I was in my teens) so I was quite smitten before the whole live aid thing but then I read his book.....
Totally 100% fell for Sir Bob, lived and breathed his existance for awhile - no one else understood my attraction and thought I was a bit cuckoo for awhile - sure everyone admire what he was doing and thought the live aid thing was great but he was so much more for me...can't really explain it...anyhow...time marches on and well, to be honest, I forgot about Sir Bob...until yesterday..
There was an interview with him on this canadian show and well imagine my surprise..
This is what I saw..
Boy time has aged the old boy and my first reaction was oh my bob...
But then he opened his mouth and began to speak and sucked me right back in...god, I love this man.....let us remember him like this though...
Oh ya..if you want to comment and let me know what a bastard he is in real life - go ahead...for some reason I seem to be attracted to bastards.....
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Drip...drip...drip
too....friggin...hot....to...type...
must...go...to....
iceland...
I will never ever bitch ever again about being cold...this is hell
Anyhow the husband is back - notice my lack of posting lately - too busy fighting and feeling too depressed with life (I know boo hoo just leave the bastard already...)
Here's some exciting news - I get to spend the weekend with family that I haven't seen in 20 years and really have no desire to see for another 20 years - yes kids it's the hillbilly family reunion...yee haw..
Now don't get me wrong I truly enjoy and feel great affection for some of these "kinfolk" but seriously it'll take me the rest of the month to return my IQ to normal - and I ain't that bright to begin with....
must...go...to....
iceland...
I will never ever bitch ever again about being cold...this is hell
Anyhow the husband is back - notice my lack of posting lately - too busy fighting and feeling too depressed with life (I know boo hoo just leave the bastard already...)
Here's some exciting news - I get to spend the weekend with family that I haven't seen in 20 years and really have no desire to see for another 20 years - yes kids it's the hillbilly family reunion...yee haw..
Now don't get me wrong I truly enjoy and feel great affection for some of these "kinfolk" but seriously it'll take me the rest of the month to return my IQ to normal - and I ain't that bright to begin with....
Monday, July 24, 2006
A memoir.....
Okay kids, it struck me today that I should write a memoir - a la James Frey style..
You know the type that is based on a little truth and a whole lot a "creativity"
I'm thinkin that instead of it taking place in a rehab centre it could take place in an institution for the criminally insane - well, I work at a crisis centre - close enuf...eh?
The main character (me) instead of being an addict, I would be mentally unstable, not due to drugs and alcohol but because of torment suffered at the hands of a bastard of a husband... (hmmm... maybe too close to home)
And instead of it being called "A million little pieces" it'll be called "Four big chunks" cause that's how they find his body after I'm "finished" with it....
Wow the creative juices are a flowin' now...
And at the end instead of me losing the love of my life that I met at the "Happy Hills Resort", My love is a 25 year old strong, intelligent, gorgeous med intern (think Brad Pitt) who cures me from the psychosis I have been under during my ordeal and whisks me away to his home in the Mediterranean and we all live happily ever after....
Bestseller... Hell, Pulitzer...think movie deal... God I could be on Oprah!
Man I'm tired tonight...
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Took ten years off my life.....
I love the boy, really, really, love the boy BUT today I could have knocked him into next week - he is lucky that I didn't beat him -
You see we have this delightful little rubber rat that is awesome in scaring the begeebers out of Grandma but today the trick was on moi
This is what I dealt with this morning - without having my morning coffee no less...
Little bastard..... that's all for now kids....I am still shaking (but smiling now)
You see we have this delightful little rubber rat that is awesome in scaring the begeebers out of Grandma but today the trick was on moi
This is what I dealt with this morning - without having my morning coffee no less...
Little bastard..... that's all for now kids....I am still shaking (but smiling now)
Friday, July 21, 2006
A good mommy moment......
So I decided that I really gotta step up to the good mommy plate and bring on a homerun for the boy.... ooooh likin the baseball analogy... so I took Wednesday off work - yes the crisis centre will survive sans moi for one day (I thought), and spent a "special day" with the boy...
I try to schedule at least one or two "special days" with just me and boy per month but have been lacking in the follow through recently due to the husband's absence...
I have been working fulltime, parenting fulltime, and doing the house crap fulltime, so the special days have fallen to the wayside in the last month or so....
Wednesday I tried to redeem myself so I let the boy pick out anything he wanted to do for our special day and he chose the most hellish place on earth to spend our special day.... the b.e.a.c.h. - ughh
Now I know for most the beach is a wonderful place of relaxation but to the big girl here it means being hot, wet, and sandy - 3 things that I believe were methods of torture in medieval times.... not to mention being in a very public place in the world's most unattractive swimsuit - yes kids, long gone are the bikini's of my youth and hello frumpy black tent/bathing suit...
The things you do for your kids eh....
So putting on my best "I'm having a great time" face I swam in the disgusting lake water, built the most treasured sandcastles, chased seagulls, and burnt to a crisp for the love of my boy....
So I'm sitting there about 2 hours into the "best day evah"(according to the boy) and I find water dripping down my cheeks - no its not sweat, it's... tears.. not tears of sadness, tears of frustration or tears of anger, but tears I think of...joy
Man when was the last time those suckers touched my face... tears of pure joy...
Watching the boy lovin every moment of this time at this god forsaken place I was touched (ya I know I'm "touched")
Touched in the simple beauty of the boy on a beach, touched by the squeals of delight from the waves on his legs, touched by the pure moment of joy we both have shared today at this most unbelievable place called the beach....
(Holy Christ someone call Hallmark - I'm having a moment)
Look at this picture though and tell me that you can't feel some joy.... I dare ya..
I try to schedule at least one or two "special days" with just me and boy per month but have been lacking in the follow through recently due to the husband's absence...
I have been working fulltime, parenting fulltime, and doing the house crap fulltime, so the special days have fallen to the wayside in the last month or so....
Wednesday I tried to redeem myself so I let the boy pick out anything he wanted to do for our special day and he chose the most hellish place on earth to spend our special day.... the b.e.a.c.h. - ughh
Now I know for most the beach is a wonderful place of relaxation but to the big girl here it means being hot, wet, and sandy - 3 things that I believe were methods of torture in medieval times.... not to mention being in a very public place in the world's most unattractive swimsuit - yes kids, long gone are the bikini's of my youth and hello frumpy black tent/bathing suit...
The things you do for your kids eh....
So putting on my best "I'm having a great time" face I swam in the disgusting lake water, built the most treasured sandcastles, chased seagulls, and burnt to a crisp for the love of my boy....
So I'm sitting there about 2 hours into the "best day evah"(according to the boy) and I find water dripping down my cheeks - no its not sweat, it's... tears.. not tears of sadness, tears of frustration or tears of anger, but tears I think of...joy
Man when was the last time those suckers touched my face... tears of pure joy...
Watching the boy lovin every moment of this time at this god forsaken place I was touched (ya I know I'm "touched")
Touched in the simple beauty of the boy on a beach, touched by the squeals of delight from the waves on his legs, touched by the pure moment of joy we both have shared today at this most unbelievable place called the beach....
(Holy Christ someone call Hallmark - I'm having a moment)
Look at this picture though and tell me that you can't feel some joy.... I dare ya..
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
It's all good...
Today I was pleasantly surprised - yes kids something not soo sucky happened to me today..
I went to the grocery store today on my lunch to get the usual greek salad and came across and a delightful little sumthin... these..
Now I realize that most probably are wondering what the hell they are as they do appear to be lumps of shit on a plate in this photo but rest assurred they are not..
In fact they were the best thing that happened to me today - so let us rejoice in the wonderfulness (I know not a real word) of the cheddar cheese pretzel - Hurrah!
See, the world can be on your side sometimes - a small artifically flavoured, sodium filled, turd looking morsel can be just the thing to help you appreciate the smaller pleasures in life.....
Well until your ass of a husband returns home to squash any tidbit of happiness you so desperately cling to while the world is spinning out of control around you and you have no way out cause you are broke, broke, broke, thanks to the shopping addiction you indulged in for the last year looking for a "happy fix" and that fact the the boy you desperately love and want to be happy more than life likes the dumb bastard and would be devasted if was not able to play video games with him all fuckin weekend long because you decided to actually leave and try to bring back some shred of a life you once had when you were skinny and smart and full of life...whew.... sorry....lets take a moment...breathe... in and out, in and out...gonna go now.... and have a few pretzels....(this last paragraph must be read very fast in order to get the full effect of my minor meltdown)
I went to the grocery store today on my lunch to get the usual greek salad and came across and a delightful little sumthin... these..
Now I realize that most probably are wondering what the hell they are as they do appear to be lumps of shit on a plate in this photo but rest assurred they are not..
In fact they were the best thing that happened to me today - so let us rejoice in the wonderfulness (I know not a real word) of the cheddar cheese pretzel - Hurrah!
See, the world can be on your side sometimes - a small artifically flavoured, sodium filled, turd looking morsel can be just the thing to help you appreciate the smaller pleasures in life.....
Well until your ass of a husband returns home to squash any tidbit of happiness you so desperately cling to while the world is spinning out of control around you and you have no way out cause you are broke, broke, broke, thanks to the shopping addiction you indulged in for the last year looking for a "happy fix" and that fact the the boy you desperately love and want to be happy more than life likes the dumb bastard and would be devasted if was not able to play video games with him all fuckin weekend long because you decided to actually leave and try to bring back some shred of a life you once had when you were skinny and smart and full of life...whew.... sorry....lets take a moment...breathe... in and out, in and out...gonna go now.... and have a few pretzels....(this last paragraph must be read very fast in order to get the full effect of my minor meltdown)
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Guess what we caught.....
Say hullo to my new little friend...
Ain't he sweet...I think we will name him kitty, just for fun...
The boy and I caught him this morning
Well, I guess I should say the boy caught him this morning...
I just more or less was yelling... "careful... don't drop him... don't squish him... careful... for the love of god boy, be gentle...aggh watch out for his leg... go wash your hands, go wash your hands, go wash your hands"...
A boy and a frog how much more Norman Rockwell can my life get...
And no I didn't try kissing it...well not yet...
Ain't he sweet...I think we will name him kitty, just for fun...
The boy and I caught him this morning
Well, I guess I should say the boy caught him this morning...
I just more or less was yelling... "careful... don't drop him... don't squish him... careful... for the love of god boy, be gentle...aggh watch out for his leg... go wash your hands, go wash your hands, go wash your hands"...
A boy and a frog how much more Norman Rockwell can my life get...
And no I didn't try kissing it...well not yet...
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
Cross your fingers.....
Must. Win. Lottery.
Yep I must win tonight's Super 7 draw
No if, ands, or buts about it
I just must win - no other options people...
Waiting... waiting.... and waiting in antipication of the magic numbers to appear
When will they call these numbers of mine......
So while I await my fortune let me show you what I am enjoying right now...
Hail Caesar, a True Canadian Icon! (from tidings magazine - probably should footnote this or whatever)
The Caesar, a quintessential Canadian invention has been one of this country’s most favored savory cocktails for over 35 years. Spiced up, or spiced down, each year, over 300 million Caesars are served to Canadians across the country (almost ten times the nation’s entire population) reflecting the fact that the savory Caesar is a cherished part of Canadian life.
The tale of the Caesar began in 1969 when inventor, bar manager and mixologist extraordinaire Walter Chell was challenged to concoct his own unique cocktail creation to mark the opening of a Calgary restaurant. Since then, the infamous blend of vodka and Mott’s Clamato tomato-clam cocktail (a combination of tomato juice, mashed clams and a top secret blend of spices) has become a true Canadian icon.
Mmmmm... me like.... NOW BRING ON THE DAMN NUMBERS....
Yep I must win tonight's Super 7 draw
No if, ands, or buts about it
I just must win - no other options people...
Waiting... waiting.... and waiting in antipication of the magic numbers to appear
When will they call these numbers of mine......
So while I await my fortune let me show you what I am enjoying right now...
Hail Caesar, a True Canadian Icon! (from tidings magazine - probably should footnote this or whatever)
The Caesar, a quintessential Canadian invention has been one of this country’s most favored savory cocktails for over 35 years. Spiced up, or spiced down, each year, over 300 million Caesars are served to Canadians across the country (almost ten times the nation’s entire population) reflecting the fact that the savory Caesar is a cherished part of Canadian life.
The tale of the Caesar began in 1969 when inventor, bar manager and mixologist extraordinaire Walter Chell was challenged to concoct his own unique cocktail creation to mark the opening of a Calgary restaurant. Since then, the infamous blend of vodka and Mott’s Clamato tomato-clam cocktail (a combination of tomato juice, mashed clams and a top secret blend of spices) has become a true Canadian icon.
Mmmmm... me like.... NOW BRING ON THE DAMN NUMBERS....
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Forgotten.....
Ever lose a year of your life???
Well I have - the year was 1988, actually September 1987 - September 1988
This was the year I spread my wings (and unfortunately legs - oh wait, sorry, that was probably not necessary to share) and left the family home...
Moved over 200 km away from the folks and thought I could manage life on my own..
Now mind you I was 17 and invincible... at least I thought I was... and did alot of things that are better left forgotten...
Now almost 20 years later, looking back, I have very little recollection of this time, why you ask... one word - Excess
You name it, I pretty much did it - if I liked it - I did it more, and more, and more...
Why this trip down memory lane now?? Well I have been cleaning up some crap (see previous post) and came upon a small black journal that I inconsistently kept during that time...
Reading through the mainly incoherent ramblings of a idiot I realize that I never want to be there again and that I must destroy this book!
What if I'm hit by a bus tomorrow and the boy grows up and reads this shit....
God, I'm sure I've given him enough "material" to keep him in therapy until he is 80 already let alone him reading about my adventures during the lost year...
What boy needs to read about his mother's talent tying cherry stems in knots with her tongue, illegal activities involving tinfoil and clubhouse sandwiches, cleaning squirrel shit from some guys apartment floor for a couple of fatties, getting felt up by a roadie from the band Nazareth (anybody remember Nazareth,"Love Hurts") and the night I almost died...
I did get a good chuckle reading excerpts about this guy "Gary" that I lived with during that time...(platonic relationships strictly - he had a freakishly large head)
Gary hitchhiked across the country to get some magic mushrooms in B.C. and came back with the snazziest moccasins, two black eyes, and a new appreciation for the way the world worked... Ha, wonder what ever happened to Gary...
So now I am feel somewhat nauseous with the trip down a very foggy memory lane but very appreciative of how sucky my life is now...
Kumbaya kids...
Well I have - the year was 1988, actually September 1987 - September 1988
This was the year I spread my wings (and unfortunately legs - oh wait, sorry, that was probably not necessary to share) and left the family home...
Moved over 200 km away from the folks and thought I could manage life on my own..
Now mind you I was 17 and invincible... at least I thought I was... and did alot of things that are better left forgotten...
Now almost 20 years later, looking back, I have very little recollection of this time, why you ask... one word - Excess
You name it, I pretty much did it - if I liked it - I did it more, and more, and more...
Why this trip down memory lane now?? Well I have been cleaning up some crap (see previous post) and came upon a small black journal that I inconsistently kept during that time...
Reading through the mainly incoherent ramblings of a idiot I realize that I never want to be there again and that I must destroy this book!
What if I'm hit by a bus tomorrow and the boy grows up and reads this shit....
God, I'm sure I've given him enough "material" to keep him in therapy until he is 80 already let alone him reading about my adventures during the lost year...
What boy needs to read about his mother's talent tying cherry stems in knots with her tongue, illegal activities involving tinfoil and clubhouse sandwiches, cleaning squirrel shit from some guys apartment floor for a couple of fatties, getting felt up by a roadie from the band Nazareth (anybody remember Nazareth,"Love Hurts") and the night I almost died...
I did get a good chuckle reading excerpts about this guy "Gary" that I lived with during that time...(platonic relationships strictly - he had a freakishly large head)
Gary hitchhiked across the country to get some magic mushrooms in B.C. and came back with the snazziest moccasins, two black eyes, and a new appreciation for the way the world worked... Ha, wonder what ever happened to Gary...
So now I am feel somewhat nauseous with the trip down a very foggy memory lane but very appreciative of how sucky my life is now...
Kumbaya kids...
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Don't look
This room is a fu**kin pig mess, jesus
I can't believe I'm actually posting this but... this is out of control
The rest of the house thankfully is in order but this room is going to be the death of me...
This is our computer/craft/scrap/junk room and boy is it in need of a "clean sweep"
(Like many other parts of my life... - nother story)
So if the father in law is going to come and finally paint the damn room then I must get off my ass and get this shit in order...
K - so off the puter dumbass and get to it....
Sunday, July 09, 2006
The Guilt
Agghh - what happened?? It's July...
Oh the guilt I feel - bad bad bad blogger - just when I get the groove of this going I end up disappearing for what..almost 3 months..Bad bad bad blogger...
Well shall we recap the exciting happenings of my absence??
Okay here goes.... well...umm..aaah...(crickets chirping)..unfortunately nothing of interest to report - no, I did not commit any heinous crimes, no jail time, no exotic vacations, no partying, nope nothing - just boring old day in and day out crap
The husband has been away more than here though thanks to his self declared importance for the company he works for - has been travelling every couple weeks to a different province and staying for a couple of weeks at a time - woo hoo - that has been very refreshing - he actually left again tonight for two weeks - now if we can only figure out a way for him to stay there......
I suppose the biggest happening here has been the boy's birthday last week - little bugger is now 7 years old - can't believe how fast it is all going by - I tried to convince him to let me pretend that it was only his 4 birthday - even bribed him with extra birthday presents, but he wouldn't go for it (I still pretend though when I go to that happy place in my head)
Work has been busier than a bitch, who knew the heat effects moods - ha
That's pretty much it - gonna try real hard now not to let this slide again
Perhaps a photo will help....
Oh the guilt I feel - bad bad bad blogger - just when I get the groove of this going I end up disappearing for what..almost 3 months..Bad bad bad blogger...
Well shall we recap the exciting happenings of my absence??
Okay here goes.... well...umm..aaah...(crickets chirping)..unfortunately nothing of interest to report - no, I did not commit any heinous crimes, no jail time, no exotic vacations, no partying, nope nothing - just boring old day in and day out crap
The husband has been away more than here though thanks to his self declared importance for the company he works for - has been travelling every couple weeks to a different province and staying for a couple of weeks at a time - woo hoo - that has been very refreshing - he actually left again tonight for two weeks - now if we can only figure out a way for him to stay there......
I suppose the biggest happening here has been the boy's birthday last week - little bugger is now 7 years old - can't believe how fast it is all going by - I tried to convince him to let me pretend that it was only his 4 birthday - even bribed him with extra birthday presents, but he wouldn't go for it (I still pretend though when I go to that happy place in my head)
Work has been busier than a bitch, who knew the heat effects moods - ha
That's pretty much it - gonna try real hard now not to let this slide again
Perhaps a photo will help....
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Sometimes......
Sometimes things just are meant to be.....
The husband will not be taking the job in Michigan (boo hoo) but will be going for a few weeks (maybe more) to Vancouver to work - must. contain. excitement. woo hoo!!
Sometimes bad things do really happen to good people....
My best friend husband has been secretly screwing a stripper and plans on leaving her in debt up to her eyeballs with two small kids to parent on her own
Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side...
My neighbour invited us (me and the boy) over for a swimming party on Saturday in their INDOOR heated huge honkin' pool
Sometimes things you think are big deals really are patheticially trivial...
I thought I was going to lose my mind because I couldn't fit into last year's capri pants and then a client's 12 year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer on Tuesday and likely will not see Christmas
Sometimes you should have faith in yourself....
Okay so I "aced" my last french test last night and my oral presentation actually seemed to go okay - no one booed or threw tomatoes - a good sign I think - oui oui
Sometimes you are just so full of shit and pathos that you should just go to bed...
Nighty nite kids
The husband will not be taking the job in Michigan (boo hoo) but will be going for a few weeks (maybe more) to Vancouver to work - must. contain. excitement. woo hoo!!
Sometimes bad things do really happen to good people....
My best friend husband has been secretly screwing a stripper and plans on leaving her in debt up to her eyeballs with two small kids to parent on her own
Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side...
My neighbour invited us (me and the boy) over for a swimming party on Saturday in their INDOOR heated huge honkin' pool
Sometimes things you think are big deals really are patheticially trivial...
I thought I was going to lose my mind because I couldn't fit into last year's capri pants and then a client's 12 year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer on Tuesday and likely will not see Christmas
Sometimes you should have faith in yourself....
Okay so I "aced" my last french test last night and my oral presentation actually seemed to go okay - no one booed or threw tomatoes - a good sign I think - oui oui
Sometimes you are just so full of shit and pathos that you should just go to bed...
Nighty nite kids
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Favours and Flavours....
To the handful of readers of this blog can I ask a favour of ya??
You see, the husband may have a job opportunity that is 3 hours away from this place
It would do us all some good to have him the hell away from here...
Seriously, I would appreciate some positive thoughts, prayers, sacrifices, chanting, whatever it is you do to make things happen cause if he is gone...do I dare dream... life will be complete....
Ya, I know selfish, selfish me but man, he MUST go...
Now on to something totally unrelated...
Ketchup - yes I've never really thought about it... but I love the stuff...
Discuss....
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Joyeuses Paques....
Yep, there I said it - en francis no less...
The bunny came - left a bizillion eggs outside and a kick ass basket full of overly priced toys for the boy - yep it's easter... yipee...
Enough said about that - now lets move on...
Actually, spending the day livin "the day of the bunny" made me remember a bunny I once had that was quite dear to my heart....
Back in the good old days of the mid 80's I was deeply in love, er, infatuated with a much older guy "Tim". One day when we were out in the canoe (no really we did go canoeing - I lived on the river then) I found a stuffed bunny floating in the nasty assed water of the river - well needless to say I had to rescue this bacteria infested stuffed animal and take it home - I bleached the snot out of it in the bathroom for hours and then decided that it was okay and treasured it like nobody's business... aww Tim and the bunny.... good times
God I remember that day now and I'm feeling all squishy inside - man I miss the simplicity of that love and the huge impact some stupid thing had on your happiness...
(And as a sidenote to "Tim" if you ever read this...(giggle) you really weren't my "first"...but I like to think you were... Phew, finally got that off my chest...)
Now hand me a water soaked, germ infested, bacteria filled stuffed animal today and you'd be wearing the damn thing...
Anybody remember that song by The Waterboys - The Whole of The Moon - or something like that????
Friday, April 14, 2006
Still laughing...
A friend of mine sent me this email and I'm still giggling my ass off about it
Apologies if you have already seen this....
This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, aka "Dark and Stormy Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University),
This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, aka "Dark and Stormy
Night Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University),
wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind
in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied
for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept
along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.' "
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism,
was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to
become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from
eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins
often do."
3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS...
1) The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the
greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window,
revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in
frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You
lied!"
Apologies if you have already seen this....
This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, aka "Dark and Stormy Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University),
This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, aka "Dark and Stormy
Night Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University),
wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind
in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied
for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept
along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.' "
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism,
was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to
become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from
eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins
often do."
3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS...
1) The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the
greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window,
revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in
frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You
lied!"
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Spring has sprung
Yes I think it really may be happening kids...
Let us keep our fingers crossed that the evil snow is now behind us
Beautiful sunny days lately - high in the upper teens (that's Celsius)
The flowers are beginning to sprout up
The birds are back and singing their chirpy little tunes
The trees are looking like they are ready to burst with buds
Yep it seems that it's all happening....
Now most would see all the abovementioned signs and agree that spring is here BUT
you wanna know how I know that spring is here....
All my clients go off their meds...
Now you would think that the promise of a season of renewal and new beginnings would bring most to a sense a of peace and positive outlooks
Yep, to most that is how it is played out - but not with my "friends" at the crisis centre
Now before you start poo pooing me about my unprofessionalism in this post realize that after 2 weeks of working over overtime, being cursed at, cried on, being told that I personally have the power to make or break someone's existence, and then lastly on Monday being asked to be the guardian of a client's children should they "disappear" has made this girl just need some space to let it all go...
Yep it's spring at the crisis centre, come on down....
God I love the spring..... and yeh, I love my job too....
Sunday, April 02, 2006
It's Sunday again.......
Hey it's Sunday night and I have survived it without any bloodshed or tears.....
Went with my friend to the local market and walked around downtown - it was great!
I really miss downtown, the shops, the people, the whole vibe - reminds me of when I lived there back in college and how everything was so much more alive, vibrant, and exciting... I really want to visit that time again..
I think going downtown and hangin' will now need to be added to the objectives list for the 4 year plan... (yah remember the plan girl)
I have been going to the gym as painful as it is sometimes...
Got myself a personal trainer who I've met with a few times now - but will not be meeting again with her for a LONG while
Now the next bit of rambling here is not meant to offend, disrespect, or upset the personal trainers of the world but.....WHAT THE HELL - you suck...
I have never felt sooooo stupid and pathetic in all of my life (and trust me there have been plenty of times)
She seriously hates me - no seriously I think deep down inside she will not be satisfied until she has killed me - I believe she is hunting me for sport...
Is it really necessary to YELL at me and LAUGH at me and PUSH me?? - me thinks not...
I literally told her I had to stop because I was going to puke and she every so graciously told me that I COULD NOT stop, brought me a garbage pail to vomit in and began to tell me that if I threw up it was just because all of the blood was rushing to my legs and the other systems of my body were starting to shut down - now did you know that the digestive system is the first system to "shut down" therefore needing to "expel" the stomach contents?? - apparently, according to little miss Lucifer, this is a good thing...
You see I have a HUGE problem with people telling me what to do - especially when it involves pain and humiliation...
Now I will still go to the gym and kick my own ass - thank you very much....
And a little note to self and anyone else reading this - one thing that I did learn from this one on one go around with little miss thing is - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER call your personal trainer a skinny bitch because she will make you pay, pay, and pay......
Went with my friend to the local market and walked around downtown - it was great!
I really miss downtown, the shops, the people, the whole vibe - reminds me of when I lived there back in college and how everything was so much more alive, vibrant, and exciting... I really want to visit that time again..
I think going downtown and hangin' will now need to be added to the objectives list for the 4 year plan... (yah remember the plan girl)
I have been going to the gym as painful as it is sometimes...
Got myself a personal trainer who I've met with a few times now - but will not be meeting again with her for a LONG while
Now the next bit of rambling here is not meant to offend, disrespect, or upset the personal trainers of the world but.....WHAT THE HELL - you suck...
I have never felt sooooo stupid and pathetic in all of my life (and trust me there have been plenty of times)
She seriously hates me - no seriously I think deep down inside she will not be satisfied until she has killed me - I believe she is hunting me for sport...
Is it really necessary to YELL at me and LAUGH at me and PUSH me?? - me thinks not...
I literally told her I had to stop because I was going to puke and she every so graciously told me that I COULD NOT stop, brought me a garbage pail to vomit in and began to tell me that if I threw up it was just because all of the blood was rushing to my legs and the other systems of my body were starting to shut down - now did you know that the digestive system is the first system to "shut down" therefore needing to "expel" the stomach contents?? - apparently, according to little miss Lucifer, this is a good thing...
You see I have a HUGE problem with people telling me what to do - especially when it involves pain and humiliation...
Now I will still go to the gym and kick my own ass - thank you very much....
And a little note to self and anyone else reading this - one thing that I did learn from this one on one go around with little miss thing is - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER call your personal trainer a skinny bitch because she will make you pay, pay, and pay......
Thursday, March 30, 2006
So far so shitty....
Well it's Thursday and all so far I haven't lost my mind completely...yet
It has been a busy week so far and fairly shitty but let's focus once again,
kids,on the positive...
- didn't flunk my french test, got a surprisely 77%
- had a great time volunteering at the boy's school on Tuesday
- the weather has been awesome
- umm....my back isn't sore this week
- oh yeah, made plans to go to lunch and a movie with a friend this Sunday
- um..the sun was shining today - oh sorry, already mentioned weather
- The Office wasn't a rerun tonight
- ugh.. I'm really starting to struggle now...
- so far my clients at work this week haven't had any major psychiatric issues
- ahhh... all the appliances are in working order at home
- okay I'm done...
NOW FOR THE SHITTY...no really I should just stop here... I'm afraid that if I start a list now it will never end and I'm tired and need to go to bed....
I do have to say that I did get my first speeding ticket - first ever in 20 years of driving and let me tell you I sure did do it up properly - $145.00 - I don't do things half assed when I screw up...
You know I really gotta get focused and get on the plan, man
Okay - apology for the bland and drool inducing post today - I'll try harder next time
It has been a busy week so far and fairly shitty but let's focus once again,
kids,on the positive...
- didn't flunk my french test, got a surprisely 77%
- had a great time volunteering at the boy's school on Tuesday
- the weather has been awesome
- umm....my back isn't sore this week
- oh yeah, made plans to go to lunch and a movie with a friend this Sunday
- um..the sun was shining today - oh sorry, already mentioned weather
- The Office wasn't a rerun tonight
- ugh.. I'm really starting to struggle now...
- so far my clients at work this week haven't had any major psychiatric issues
- ahhh... all the appliances are in working order at home
- okay I'm done...
NOW FOR THE SHITTY...no really I should just stop here... I'm afraid that if I start a list now it will never end and I'm tired and need to go to bed....
I do have to say that I did get my first speeding ticket - first ever in 20 years of driving and let me tell you I sure did do it up properly - $145.00 - I don't do things half assed when I screw up...
You know I really gotta get focused and get on the plan, man
Okay - apology for the bland and drool inducing post today - I'll try harder next time
Sunday, March 26, 2006
I hate Sundays...
Yes, I know, I am in the minority - people who hate Sundays..
I have many reasons as to why this particular day annoys me
The main reason is that the husband is around all. freakin. day.
I do not like to be in his company most days and the sunday is the worst of them all
At least through the week we have the buffer of work, busy schedules and activities
On sundays nothing is going on around here but housework and video games... and this is when it all comes to a head -
I hear tale that people enjoy their Sundays with movies, reading, walks in the park, dinners out, family activities, taking naps...
My Sunday involves a bizillion loads of laundry and housecleaning
Sure he may go grocery shopping sometimes but then becomes resentful of the fact that he has done this and pisses the rest of the day away being an ass
Today I thought I would mix it up a bit and go to the gym... that was good BUT then I came home to the ass who basically yelled at me for inquiring as to where he and the boy were going - like I should just assume he was going grocery shopping...
I really hate Sundays
Maybe one day I will have the ability to love them again...
P.S. Telling me to be thankful that at least he went grocery shopping WILL NOT BE HELPUL NOR APPRECIATED....
Sunday, March 19, 2006
The big girl goes to the gym...
So I joined a new gym and had my initial fitness test and program set up thingy
Well let me just say it - I. hate. to. exercise.
Yep that blond hottie had his job cut out for him today with this big girl
Here's pretty much the way it went down with mr. exercise extraordinator
"You want me to what??" "I should what??" "You're jokin right??"
So I can't even get my fat ass up on that torture chamber machine and then you expect me to move a body part??? Ha I say Ha Ha
Yep the machines are a total bust - but one must keep trying right?
So we go to the boxing area where there are all the big long black bags you hit, and that bag thingy that you are suppose to hit really fast, and those dumbass boxing gloves that you have to wear
This is how that whole fiasco played out..
"Seriously I can't skip rope, no really this girl don't bounce, no I won't bounce man, back away from me with that rope before I strangle you with it dumbass..."
"Hit that bag.. hmmm... these gloves really stink, like really stink man, ewwwww they really stink when I hit that thing, man I'm gonna get some ebola virus from this stench.."
In all honesty though the boxing stuff was kinda fun and they weren't shittin when they said it was a good cardio workout - I literally had to say I had to pee so I could go to the bathroom and dry heave for about 2 minutes.....
Now on to our one to one program evaluation and set up exercise program:
Fitness level - poor
Cardio level - poor
and some other area that I was poor in - no actually my resting heart rate apparently is good at 62 - go figure an area I'm good in - resting - HA
So I did agree to come back on Tuesday for more fun and giggles - Lord help me...
Well let me just say it - I. hate. to. exercise.
Yep that blond hottie had his job cut out for him today with this big girl
Here's pretty much the way it went down with mr. exercise extraordinator
"You want me to what??" "I should what??" "You're jokin right??"
So I can't even get my fat ass up on that torture chamber machine and then you expect me to move a body part??? Ha I say Ha Ha
Yep the machines are a total bust - but one must keep trying right?
So we go to the boxing area where there are all the big long black bags you hit, and that bag thingy that you are suppose to hit really fast, and those dumbass boxing gloves that you have to wear
This is how that whole fiasco played out..
"Seriously I can't skip rope, no really this girl don't bounce, no I won't bounce man, back away from me with that rope before I strangle you with it dumbass..."
"Hit that bag.. hmmm... these gloves really stink, like really stink man, ewwwww they really stink when I hit that thing, man I'm gonna get some ebola virus from this stench.."
In all honesty though the boxing stuff was kinda fun and they weren't shittin when they said it was a good cardio workout - I literally had to say I had to pee so I could go to the bathroom and dry heave for about 2 minutes.....
Now on to our one to one program evaluation and set up exercise program:
Fitness level - poor
Cardio level - poor
and some other area that I was poor in - no actually my resting heart rate apparently is good at 62 - go figure an area I'm good in - resting - HA
So I did agree to come back on Tuesday for more fun and giggles - Lord help me...
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Open Letter To The Husband...
Okay so I'm thinking that you may find this blog and...well... sorry if you do.....
If you should stumble upon this - firstly - RELAX
I know how upset you were when YOU READ THAT EMAIL TO "L" that included a passage about kicking you to the curb... so I can only imagine how big that vein in your temple is bulging now as you read this
Seriously though, I haven't really written anything too terrible about you here (yet)
I am trying to keep our anonimity here so I'm sure no one really knows us (god I hope so)
You really should not be pissed man... apparently you are not happy with me discussing our pathetic life together with my best friend, you will not discuss our pathetic life together with a therapist, nor will you take the time to talk to me about our pathetic life together...so....
You can just go on without dealing with anything but I can't...
I need to talk things out, I need to be heard, I need to get out the crap in my brain before it explodes...
If my rambling here to some cyberstrangers, or to no one at all, gives me a little piece of mind then so be it - trust me it's better I get it out here than all over you...
And you know what... this thing here really isn't about you - it's about me
Now if you have something to contribute there is this letter button thingy that says comments - push it and let me have it or don't push it and let it go....
If you should stumble upon this - firstly - RELAX
I know how upset you were when YOU READ THAT EMAIL TO "L" that included a passage about kicking you to the curb... so I can only imagine how big that vein in your temple is bulging now as you read this
Seriously though, I haven't really written anything too terrible about you here (yet)
I am trying to keep our anonimity here so I'm sure no one really knows us (god I hope so)
You really should not be pissed man... apparently you are not happy with me discussing our pathetic life together with my best friend, you will not discuss our pathetic life together with a therapist, nor will you take the time to talk to me about our pathetic life together...so....
You can just go on without dealing with anything but I can't...
I need to talk things out, I need to be heard, I need to get out the crap in my brain before it explodes...
If my rambling here to some cyberstrangers, or to no one at all, gives me a little piece of mind then so be it - trust me it's better I get it out here than all over you...
And you know what... this thing here really isn't about you - it's about me
Now if you have something to contribute there is this letter button thingy that says comments - push it and let me have it or don't push it and let it go....
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
One hundred things about me....
Can I really pull this off??
1. I love my boy more than life itself
2. I generally feel indifferent to the man I'm married to, well, on a good day - sometimes I just want to bash his head in with a weedwacker
3. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old
4. My father had custody of me and my sister growing up
5. I hate feet - think they are gross
6. I had a dog named Ritalin
7. We have a dog now named Barkley
8. I love greek food
9. I used to smoke cigarettes - for about 13 years
10. I am very interested in Buddhism
11. Crickets scare the hell out of me
12. This is the fattest I've ever been in my life
13. The smell of Clinque's "Happy" perfume makes me sick
14. I love my job usually
15. I secretly love Buffy the Vampire Slayer
16. I pretty much lost the year of 1988 due to excessive "partying"
17. I am taking a French course currently
18. One day I will own a Canon Rebel or maybe a Nikon D70
19. I wish I could play the cello
20. I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue but have not done this since
the early 90's
21. The elderly intrigue me
22. I do not follow politics
23. I hope to go to India for my 40th or 50th birthday
24. I need glasses
25. Can not live without music
26. Hate lobster and most seafood
27. Doing this makes me think I'm being somewhat narcissistic
28. I watched my mother die
29. I suffer from Vertigo - ya it sucks
30. The best year of my life was 1987
31. I love the work of Edward Gorey and Tim Burton
32. I really did think my wedding was the best evah!
33. I am scared to death of open water
34. I'm really thirsty right now
35. Ahh - I am now drinking a diet coke
36. My baby sister (she's 32) is awesome
37. I really didn't lose my virginity with "T"
38. I'm losing interest in doing this now
39. I feel like I'm doing that Van Halen video - you know the "right now" one..
40. Ugh...nevermind.....I'm done...
1. I love my boy more than life itself
2. I generally feel indifferent to the man I'm married to, well, on a good day - sometimes I just want to bash his head in with a weedwacker
3. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old
4. My father had custody of me and my sister growing up
5. I hate feet - think they are gross
6. I had a dog named Ritalin
7. We have a dog now named Barkley
8. I love greek food
9. I used to smoke cigarettes - for about 13 years
10. I am very interested in Buddhism
11. Crickets scare the hell out of me
12. This is the fattest I've ever been in my life
13. The smell of Clinque's "Happy" perfume makes me sick
14. I love my job usually
15. I secretly love Buffy the Vampire Slayer
16. I pretty much lost the year of 1988 due to excessive "partying"
17. I am taking a French course currently
18. One day I will own a Canon Rebel or maybe a Nikon D70
19. I wish I could play the cello
20. I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue but have not done this since
the early 90's
21. The elderly intrigue me
22. I do not follow politics
23. I hope to go to India for my 40th or 50th birthday
24. I need glasses
25. Can not live without music
26. Hate lobster and most seafood
27. Doing this makes me think I'm being somewhat narcissistic
28. I watched my mother die
29. I suffer from Vertigo - ya it sucks
30. The best year of my life was 1987
31. I love the work of Edward Gorey and Tim Burton
32. I really did think my wedding was the best evah!
33. I am scared to death of open water
34. I'm really thirsty right now
35. Ahh - I am now drinking a diet coke
36. My baby sister (she's 32) is awesome
37. I really didn't lose my virginity with "T"
38. I'm losing interest in doing this now
39. I feel like I'm doing that Van Halen video - you know the "right now" one..
40. Ugh...nevermind.....I'm done...
Monday, March 13, 2006
La La La La...
Okay yesterday sucked - ya sucked real hard but today was a new day and with
a new day came a new chance to make it a good one...
God that was really cheesy...
Lets look at the good - things that made me happy today...
(hums that song from the sound of music... rainbows and something about kittens..)
- my boy, actually nothing comes close to the happiness that kid brings me
- having a kick ass good hair day
- finding $15.00 in the washing machine (don't tell the dumbass)
- hearing the birds sing this morning for the first time since this god forsaken winter has been going on
- finally getting that pain in the ass Assessment report done at work today
- having the kitchen sparklin clean
- finding this freakin hilarious blog http://paulstoecklein.blogs.com/
- not stuffin my face with chips tonight
And now I'm going to have the world's longest shower and then hop into bed and start reading a really good book
See it's not all bad.............
a new day came a new chance to make it a good one...
God that was really cheesy...
Lets look at the good - things that made me happy today...
(hums that song from the sound of music... rainbows and something about kittens..)
- my boy, actually nothing comes close to the happiness that kid brings me
- having a kick ass good hair day
- finding $15.00 in the washing machine (don't tell the dumbass)
- hearing the birds sing this morning for the first time since this god forsaken winter has been going on
- finally getting that pain in the ass Assessment report done at work today
- having the kitchen sparklin clean
- finding this freakin hilarious blog http://paulstoecklein.blogs.com/
- not stuffin my face with chips tonight
And now I'm going to have the world's longest shower and then hop into bed and start reading a really good book
See it's not all bad.............
Sunday, March 12, 2006
No comment
well isn't that great.... oh my god i'm sooooooooooooooo upset
God I hate hate hate hate him
I just can't win
FUCK
I'm so screwed
I've been really trying to keep it together - really trying - really trying
but I just can't today, not today, not today
God I hate hate hate hate him
I just can't win
FUCK
I'm so screwed
I've been really trying to keep it together - really trying - really trying
but I just can't today, not today, not today
Sunday, March 05, 2006
She rambles about nothin now
Honestly I really have nothing significant to say - just feel the need to update this blog with something..
Well, I'm watching the oscars right now and haven't seen any of these movies, feeling a bit disappointed with Jon tonight - I really love him and all but, not as great as I thought he'd be...
Was going through the random blogs on here and really.. most are not in english, lots babble on about christian yada yada yada, lots about politics(like I care), and honestly haven't found one tonight that caught my eye enough to actually read through...
Soulmates...soulmates...soulmates... what the hell does that really mean... do you have a soulmate... I have yet to meet mine...discuss
Have my first french test on Wednesday - ha what a joke... what was I thinking when I signed up for French classes - I haven't been in school since 1990 - ahahaha(that's French for ha)
I love the word pedals..say it with me..Pedals, P..ed..als.. isn't that the coolest word - scuba is a good one too..
I think I want to have an affair
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Half Naked Thursday
So being fairly new to this new bloggin thing I have noticed people posting pictures for half naked Thursday - HNT -
So I thought I would contribute to this "tradition" with my contribution
Here it is...
Yes it is my left hand - naked? you ask - Yes, on the ring finger you will notice the absence of the wedding bands and engagement ring I normally wear
If you look closely you will see the seemingly permanent indentations of the rings - 3 reddened band areas on my finger
Lately I have been taken to not wearing the bling - I do miss the rings - especially the sparkle of the diamond, but alas one more area of my life that I must overcome..
A woman at work today came to show us all the new engagement ring she received
Man, the diamond was so big that it really looked fake - I'm sure it wasn't but damn it was large - jealous? maybe
What does one do with the rings once it is no longer appropriate to wear?
Wear on the right hand, make into some new piece of jewellery, sell it, or put in the jewellery box and forget about it???
Agghh.. maybe I will still wear it all - it's not like I've signed any papers yet and god knows he won't notice if I have it on or not....
So I thought I would contribute to this "tradition" with my contribution
Here it is...
Yes it is my left hand - naked? you ask - Yes, on the ring finger you will notice the absence of the wedding bands and engagement ring I normally wear
If you look closely you will see the seemingly permanent indentations of the rings - 3 reddened band areas on my finger
Lately I have been taken to not wearing the bling - I do miss the rings - especially the sparkle of the diamond, but alas one more area of my life that I must overcome..
A woman at work today came to show us all the new engagement ring she received
Man, the diamond was so big that it really looked fake - I'm sure it wasn't but damn it was large - jealous? maybe
What does one do with the rings once it is no longer appropriate to wear?
Wear on the right hand, make into some new piece of jewellery, sell it, or put in the jewellery box and forget about it???
Agghh.. maybe I will still wear it all - it's not like I've signed any papers yet and god knows he won't notice if I have it on or not....
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Here we go again...
Okay... so I really must be honest here and say that the results from that personality test I took the other day has been really bugging me..
Like seriously, am I really like that?? - depressed, introverted, insecure, does not make friends easily, irritable, fragile and submissive - WTF - seriously..
I really don't see myself like that - maybe I'm just fooling myself though
Am I really like this?? - Maybe I have changed from the outgoing, silly, funny person I thought I was - I know I was like that once - maybe before the deaths, the marriage, the kid...
Man now I am depressed - so... I decide to take the test again - maybe I was too hasty in my answers before, maybe if I take more time in reading and answering the questions I will see the results that make more sense to who I think I am...
So here I go again..
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.
Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.
trait snapshot:
neat freak, organized, worrying, phobic, fears the unknown, irritable, pessimistic, emotionally sensitive, fears chaos, risk averse, fragile, unadventurous, depressed, frequently second guesses self, likes to fit in, does not like to stand out, perfectionist, hard working, does not like to be alone, clingy, dependent, practical, ordinary, cautious, takes precautions, good at saving money, suspicious, heart over mind, busy, altruistic
Oh for god's sake - not much better - I give up - going to bed now
Goodnight from one irritable depressed somebody
Like seriously, am I really like that?? - depressed, introverted, insecure, does not make friends easily, irritable, fragile and submissive - WTF - seriously..
I really don't see myself like that - maybe I'm just fooling myself though
Am I really like this?? - Maybe I have changed from the outgoing, silly, funny person I thought I was - I know I was like that once - maybe before the deaths, the marriage, the kid...
Man now I am depressed - so... I decide to take the test again - maybe I was too hasty in my answers before, maybe if I take more time in reading and answering the questions I will see the results that make more sense to who I think I am...
So here I go again..
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.
Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.
trait snapshot:
neat freak, organized, worrying, phobic, fears the unknown, irritable, pessimistic, emotionally sensitive, fears chaos, risk averse, fragile, unadventurous, depressed, frequently second guesses self, likes to fit in, does not like to stand out, perfectionist, hard working, does not like to be alone, clingy, dependent, practical, ordinary, cautious, takes precautions, good at saving money, suspicious, heart over mind, busy, altruistic
Oh for god's sake - not much better - I give up - going to bed now
Goodnight from one irritable depressed somebody
Things that I learnt today...
- plugging in the toaster this morning does not cook the chicken in the crockpot
- my boy thinks that "a.s.s." spells a bad word - and this bad "a" word is acid (he also thinks that the "s" swear word is stupid and the "f" swear word is fat and a woman's breast is called an upper private) God I love this kid!!!
- my sister adopted a half blind dog named Chester
- I have a very low tolerance today for certain people's need to be helped - as a matter of fact if this said individual cannot get their shit together without my apparently much need assistance I may just have to elbow them in the throat and then twist their frickin lips off
- an extra large double double and a large coffee with milk and sweetener is exactly $3.00 at Timmy's now
And now for the photo of the day....
Hope you learnt a thing or two today...
- my boy thinks that "a.s.s." spells a bad word - and this bad "a" word is acid (he also thinks that the "s" swear word is stupid and the "f" swear word is fat and a woman's breast is called an upper private) God I love this kid!!!
- my sister adopted a half blind dog named Chester
- I have a very low tolerance today for certain people's need to be helped - as a matter of fact if this said individual cannot get their shit together without my apparently much need assistance I may just have to elbow them in the throat and then twist their frickin lips off
- an extra large double double and a large coffee with milk and sweetener is exactly $3.00 at Timmy's now
And now for the photo of the day....
Hope you learnt a thing or two today...
Monday, February 20, 2006
Seriously - is this me??
What about you?
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.
Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
trait snapshot:
depressed, introverted, neat, needs things to be extremely clean, observer, perfectionist, not self revealing, does not make friends easily, suspicious, irritable, hates large parties, follows the rules, worrying, does not like to stand out, fragile, phobic, submissive, dislikes leadership, cautious, takes precautions, focuses on hidden motives, good at saving money, solitary, familiar with the dark side of life, hard working, emotionally sensitive, prudent, altruistic, heart over mind, unadventurous
Boy don't I sound like a barrel of laughs eh?
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.
Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
trait snapshot:
depressed, introverted, neat, needs things to be extremely clean, observer, perfectionist, not self revealing, does not make friends easily, suspicious, irritable, hates large parties, follows the rules, worrying, does not like to stand out, fragile, phobic, submissive, dislikes leadership, cautious, takes precautions, focuses on hidden motives, good at saving money, solitary, familiar with the dark side of life, hard working, emotionally sensitive, prudent, altruistic, heart over mind, unadventurous
Boy don't I sound like a barrel of laughs eh?
There are others
I just found a blog that is very comforting in knowing that not everyone is all loving and adoring towards the spouse
I'd add the link but don't know how - i'll work on this though
Had this survey on to take so here it is
Let me know your survey results
Ciao for now
I'd add the link but don't know how - i'll work on this though
Had this survey on to take so here it is
Let me know your survey results
Ciao for now
Sunday, January 29, 2006
agghhh its the 4 year plan now!!
Yep it's a new year and nowhere closer to the plan - ugh
As you can see I'm not really the most up to date kinda gal since it's been november since I last dealt with this blog thing
Anyhow new year... phhhh
So far I have learned that I love Amos Lee, hate yellowtail merlot, playing volleyball again IS fun, I can spend entire day at Chapters, and my boy is really growing up too fast...
And now for some photos (taken by my favourite christmas present - to myself that is)
As you can see I'm not really the most up to date kinda gal since it's been november since I last dealt with this blog thing
Anyhow new year... phhhh
So far I have learned that I love Amos Lee, hate yellowtail merlot, playing volleyball again IS fun, I can spend entire day at Chapters, and my boy is really growing up too fast...
And now for some photos (taken by my favourite christmas present - to myself that is)
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